Sometimes i have to say ... I QUIT!

Tired being played , i decided to quit the game . It's not because of me . I have enough patient and understand .Even sometimes i feel underpressure and being neglected by someone who supposed to be taking care of me financially , and emotionally.I never been treated like i should be , and this is the time i should say I QUIT . Cos you are the pain .... for yourself and for us

The reflection of my freedom

I got my self being stressed out these days .... i don't know why but i think it is about my marriege. Yes , i feel like i have face the wall and no way out .
Now i go to internet , everyday . at least i spent 3 hours there , sometimes more . Not for chat , i just run 3 blogs for nothing.At least i feel my self free here on net. Better , I feel my self released when i learn something new.
Thanks God there's Internet ......

Dear Papa..............

I'm sorry , if i have to say the truth ......
And if the truth so bitter , and so be it.....
I knew you love me ,
I love you too , for whole life you are my hero
No matter what people said , no matter you hurt me once a while ......
You gave me life
You tought me right from wrong
You bring the new horizon , you part of me
Now you look tired
I don't know why ..... you never change
You hurt me with your love
but i love you
You hurt me with your words
but i know deep inside your heart , you love me too much ......
And i just want to say
Forgive me ................
Forgive me
................................
Because i love you .................... Papa

Insomniac dream.........

It was almost 3 in the morning and my head still awake. It spinning .... telling me to think about this...and do that....My body couldn't resist , but my head wanted me to awake......I look at my little angel next to me . He so pure , so innocent . I kissed him . And then look at my man ..... Gosh....wish everything is different . I could not feel , i could not taste ....the nectar of being married .
I left my room and turned on my pc. I looked at the corner on my living room . It was Rosi , my lovely cat . He purred and wake up , walked to me , then jumped on my couch. Caressing my neck , sounds like whispered to my ear ...." why don't you sleep ? " I smiled at him , ordered him to sit on my leap. He did it . Then with his lovely green eyes he look deeper at me. And i replied.... " yes i love you too " , then he sleep on my leap.
I started to opened my favourite game . But my mind wasn't there. Quickly i quited. Turned off my pc then took a book . I hope it could make me sleep easier when i took it on my bedroom .Still followed me , my lovely companion .
Tried to read . I read .... again.....read.....until it last few pages. And time flies when i read. It was 6 in the morning and i didn't sleep at all yet .
What's wrong with me ?
I just wanted to be a normal . I just wanted to live normal .
I closed the book and started to wrote on my diary . About how much i missed him .Someone that filled my imagination through these years . I never met him , but he so close to me . Closer than my man who married me . So many plan we made , so many dreams we shared , so tempting , so lovely .
I wonder where he is now .........what he do ? Did he think about me ? Like i think about him ?
God , forgive me ..... i am just a human .
I just want to sleep . Like a normal human being.